Gabe died with me not too long ago. He would have been two years old April 29th.
Last night I didn't know if he wanted to be with me, alone or with Ajeshabel, when he was in my arms, it was a good sign that he kept moving up closer and closer till he was at the top of my lap and in my arms. I got him to drink some water, and even even gave me a kiss.
I thought it would be like last time, I always nurse him back to health, like last time he almost died and I helped him get better. I was getting tired, so I laid him in my shirt, nice and warm. I made it so he could still breathe, and I laid real still. I didn't move at all. I barely slept checking to see if he was still breathing. The next time I checked, he was still sleeping the way I left him, in my arms, and I thought-any minute now he's gonna breathe, but he didn't move. He didn't breathe, he was a bit warm from me holding him. But he was still cold.
I can't stop thinking he's gone. My grandma was telling me he lived a good life, and I gave him that. She said he was the happiest rat he had ever seen with me, and so spoiled. No rat was like gabe, no rat I have ever had, has just sat in my lap with me. He liked biting my eyes while I was sleeping, or chittering in my ear. I could pick him up so gently, and pet his head, and he was the only one who'd let me do that. He gave me kisses, and licked my tongue, his tongue was cold last night when he licked it. Like ice, but he was alive to do it.
I knew him before he was born, I watched him grow fur, and make his steps out of the cage on his own for the first time. I watched him grow, I watched him become so big, and strong-and then get so weak, and frail. I was with him right until the end, and he died peacefully and in my arms, but even though I know he's had a better ending than most rats, not in pain or anything, I can't help crying. I can't help wishing he were still alive, to love me when I came home from school, and when everyone was yelling at me except for him.
He'd just tilt his head and rest in my lap, he was my gabriel